Amidst the dark and grey shades increasingly engulfing, invading and piercing deeper and deeper, let me try to enjoy the little smiles, genuine greens, and the gentle breeze. Oh! Creator! If you don't exist, my vain!
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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Hey Doctor! Why are you in a hurry? (Part-II)

I was having a ‘dull’ headache for the past few weeks. People suggested me to reduce my use of laptop and I did that. The head ache coupled with the ‘writer’s block’ is the reason for not writing any blog posts in the month of June. I met a physician and a series of specialists to find out the cause of the headache. The headache is reduced considerably now. But the ordeal with doctors made me think about why and how some of them are frantic to reap as much within their ‘allotted time’. I wrote about this couple of years back also. (Given at the end of this article)

I used to ask my doctor-wife why she spent so much time with each patient. She said, ‘Half of the pains and agonies of patients and the consequent physical disorders can be solved if the doctor patiently listened to them and talked to them’. I found it right as many of her patients showered praises for the time she spent with them in understanding their problem and the way she gave them advice.

Let me mention about one of the specialists I met at Delhi. Because there is no system of ‘attendant’ (as part of the cost-cutting measure) in the internationally rated super-specialty hospital, the specialist himself comes out to call each patient to his chamber. Before I sat on the chair, the doctor asked me the problem. Before I completed two sentences, he asked me to open my mouth. While I opened the mouth, he was checking the sms in his cell phone. He asked me to move my eyes to left, right, up and down. While I was sincerely doing that, he was busy writing my name in the prescription sheet. I thought he will ask me questions like which time of the day or night I get the headache, since when I am having this problem, which part of the head throws up the pain, what is my health history, what is my routine etc. He never asked anything. He didn’t check my BP or pulse.  He said there is no serious problem, but suggested an MRI. He suddenly got up and opened the door for me to get out so that I won’t waste his time asking any questions.

There were a long line of persons for the MRI. Most have booked many days in advance to get a slot. After spending a huge sum, I got the report along with the film and the CD. When I went to show that to the specialist, he didn’t look at the film or CD and concluded that everything is fine by just seeing the brief report.


Doctors’ time is very valuable. At the same time, is it unreasonable for patients to expect the doctor to spend a reasonable time with them in understanding the ailment as perceived by the patient and explain the medical reasons and remedies? After all, he has paid huge consultation fee and also spent money and time for travel to reach the hospital and waited couple of hours to meet the doctor.

Fixing a minimum time for consultation may not be practical. But doctors should not forget the professional ethics and underestimate the service expected from them in this divine profession.

Article written by me on Dec 27, 2009 is given below.

Hey Doctor! Why are you in a hurry?

  One profession where every millisecond matters is the medical profession. Doctors run against time, saving millions of lives. They can afford only very little sleep, little socializing and leisure. Commitment to work and the pressure from the organization force them to be in their coats for almost 18 hours a day. Society should thank not only them, but also their spouses and children for letting them away from home. But what worries us is that many of these doctors are too much in a hurry, creating anxious and depressing moments for patients and their relatives.
Recently, I read about a bereaved wife who went through an ordeal in a hospital. She was beside her ailing husband for several days. They were a well-educated couple with a fair social standing. Husband was hospitalized with a chest pain. The doctor visited their room just for a minute and never found time to interact with the patient’s wife. Enquiries and doubts from the wife and children got monosyllabic answers. The elderly husband, not fit enough for a surgery, was made to undergo a heart bypass. He suffered a heart attack and died even as the surgery was being performed. The woman believes that her husband would have lived on for many more years, if not for the negligence of a busy doctor.
When at least a smile can give a healing touch, some doctors portray themselves as busy and restless, as if that symbolizes the genius of their rare breed. It is not a very pleasant experience to be in a hospital, either as a patient or as a visitor, even if the hospital is endowed with the most-modern ‘five star’ facilities. All patients and their relatives go through depressing moments because of the pain their loved ones going through, anxiety, financial strain, loneliness and helplessness. They obviously look for empathy, transparency, concern and gentleness from the hospital management, staff and doctors. But, in general, hospitals are perceived as establishments with the sole motive of making money through a concerted effort of various stakeholders – the management, doctors, and pharma, medical, diagnostic and insurance companies. Of course, hospitals do need money to provide quality service. But what upsets patients and their relatives is a sheer lack of transparency and absence of communication on pros and cons of different options.
Doctors don’t have the time to explain. Managements are keen to collect advances before even the patient is admitted. Other staff members are too ill-informed to guide patients or give suggestions. Social workers, counselors or relation experts are either non-existent or perform their roles superficially and mechanically. All these definitely affect the healing process.
It is imperative to train the doctors on professional ethics, emotional intelligence and communication intelligence. It is also necessary to inculcate a change in their mindset and apprise them of the need for empathy in a hospital setting. Doctors should understand that patients and their relatives put their trust only on them and not on the management, staff, diagnostic service providers or counselors. They need to spend more time with patients and their relatives and give that much-needed human touch that is lacking in many hospitals.
 Medical Council of India (the self-regulating body)- Are you hearing? Or, are you waiting for another  statutory regulatory authority to be established?

Views are personal. Share this on Facebook by copying the link in address bar. You can also use the buttons at the end of this post to share it with others. Send your views at sibi5555{gmail} or post your comments below.

                                             © Sibichen K Mathew

Sunday, July 20, 2014

A mother who learnt from her teenage daughter

The abuse of a six year old child in a Bangalore School by the gym instructor sent shock waves across the country. Not only the gym instructor, but the security guard and many others were involved in similar incidents in the private school run by a leading group in the business of education.

"He touched my body. But destroyed my soul" Hilal in 'Aleph' said several years later about the abuse she faced as a child. In my review of the above book (read it here)  by Paulo Coelho, I reproduced an extract of a letter received by me from a lady who was abused when she was less than 7 years old! After reading the review my inbox flooded with responses from many who shared their horrendous experiences in their childhood. Paulo Coelho posted my review in his blog and it received similar responses from hundreds of hapless women across the world who live with the trauma. I remembered it again when I heard about how a 6 year old kid was abused by the school gym instructor in Bangalore the other day. Read the letter in the link. 

There is so much written and talked about the abuse of children by individuals. But very less has been discussed about the institutional child abuses. It is worthwhile to mention about two types of abuses on innocent children by institutions: first, about the direct exploitation of children by the institutions and second, about how institutions nurture conditions and circumstances that are favourable for abusers.Please read my article on the Institutional child abuse here

A mother who learnt from her teenage daughter

The other day, I got another comment via email from a mother of a 16 year old daughter after reading my article, 'Stop this harassment: A cry for deschooling India'. I thought it is better to share the contents with all the readers of Cyber Diary (with due permission from the sender). Please read it below and share with me what you think about it by posting a comment or through mail ( sibi5555  (gmail))

"Your article on institutional child abuse has been very thought provoking. At every stage in the child’s schooling there has been an influence of abuse at different levels. Yes like every parent I have also sown the seeds of a good education in my daughter’s mind. But I keep reiterating to her the sociological importance of family. The family is an institution by itself.  We learn how to adjust with elders and children and balance trying situations at home. I would like to share with you certain interesting conversations / arguments / debates we have at home that ultimately culminate to being good humans than being a double graduate from Harvard or Oxford.
Me  to my daughter: “Dear, you are constantly glued to your smart phone all the time.....when will u study?...I cannot tolerate anything below 80%....get it”  
Daughter:  “Enough Amma let me breathe pleazeeeee you wanted me to get a 90% in class X, I procured 92% to make you feel proud of me.....but at what cost Amma? the cost of my growing years... my school screwed up my freedom, my creativity all through only to make a mark on the school’s chart of ‘hall of fame’. 
I patiently listened to her.“At the kindergarten level when I could barely hold my pencil I was forced to write cursive alphabets..then reeling under the pressure of tongue twisting languages...1st 2nd and 3rd confusing. Then comes pre high school on the threshold of high schooling. Then tuitions for maths and science.. all come with conditions.”When she sees my brother’s son who is just 4 years old bending all over the book just to write “CAT” “MAT” “BUT” “CUT” who then cries out load to say,  ‘my fingers pain akka’ daughter feels so bad. While my daughter was a single kid throughout her growing years with no one to play with and with working parents, she took to her books mostly. But today when she sees her little brother writing cursive alphabets and words of which he doesn’t even know the meanings properly, she feels why so much pressure on a four year old. 
When she sees his school diary, it reads “homework in English 3 letter words, homework in Maths – counting, to be completed by Monday”.   Sad but helpless again. Every person right from parents to grandparents pressed into action to cooperate and woo the child into writing and completing his homework with special perks if he does so....To our surprise we saw that the child was brilliant in building blocks, identifying illustrations of different kinds, naming different naval ships and war planes with ease and extremely demonstrative in his behaviour, very articulate – but all of it at home.  Because we have a so called institution which turns a blind eye and a deaf ear towards a child’s creative mind. 
As you rightly said it, my daughter says half the education is wasted if you are not educated mentally.  We need to be educated in our behaviour in our acts not just academically.  She  was very clear that she studied Science in school only to get good marks to get into a good college but she wanted to pursue commerce because it offered less stress compared to those drilling CET and COMED-K exams and vying for medical/engineering seat.She tells me, “Amma let me grow as a person....given a chance I want to do theatre, I want to learn the guitar and parallelly  Iwill study to be a graduate. Let me first understand as to what I want from life and pursue what I like to do. I would like to progress gradually and steadily and persistently in life.’I ponder over what my daughter said. All along the school at all levels focussed only on studies, marks, and percentage. While I agree that an institution is needed to certify these qualifications for a child, the actual qualification is when you have achieved what you desired.Institutions have become very commercial these days. Unlike those days where schooling was equal to life’s grooming for a child in all spheres. We are what we are because of our schooling and upbringing not because of education and a degree alone.  Unfortunately today’s children have lost out on good things in life, lost out on creativity in life, lost out on the actual innocence of a child.She tells me “Amma I don’t want to be on the top of a Company’s chart of successful people. I want to be on the top of the world of individual leaders, want to be an entrepreneur seeking and sowing the seeds of individuality, creativity and harmony”. 
I think as parents we must slowly tune into our child’s likes and accept the way the child is, give her the freedom to think, to speak, to act, to behave with a touch of respect too. Be aware of her surroundings, be alert, be foresighted and support their moves in the right manner.Institutions, schools or colleges and universities may or may not change their way of functioning but as parents we can change and mould our way of thinking and the way we up bring our children.Already due to pressure from all sides, our children are saddled with burdens of all least we must be protective and support them and allow them to breathe so that they grow with pride and add flavour in their lives. 
Deschooling may not be possible in our country, but we must try to work towards good schooling at home for our children by understanding them and allowing them to think independently under our guidance."        Latha                              

I read the above mail and it gave me fresh insights on parenting. Though we would not like to totally surrender the thoughts and conceptions deeply ingrained within us, we need to break the cultural barriers that prevent us from being flexible to accept the views and aspirations of our children. Please share your views on this.

 Views are personal. Share this on Facebook by copying the link in address bar. You can also use the buttons at the end of this post to share it with others. 
                                                  Sibichen K Mathew

Read the following articles on the above topic, in case you missed.

My son! Don't watch the news


Saturday, May 31, 2014

Are you an opportunist or an opportunity 'utilizer'?

While introducing me to a gathering of young and aspiring managers, the speaker said: “He used the opportunities before him so well in his life and that is the secret of his success. One needs to be an ‘opportunist’ like him”. The first sentence amused me and the second one bewildered me. Knowing the ‘language proficiency’ of the speaker, I understood what he really meant! But the word opportunist lingered in my mind during the entire session and I pondered over it to comprehend how important it is for a person to be an opportunist in this world to be successful.

The word opportunist has a very negative connotation. The MS Word has a stock of synonyms: Freebooter, Speculator, Buccaneer, Swashbuckler, Chancer, Carpetbagger, Fortune hunter etc. There is only one positive meaning given there. That is ‘entrepreneur’.

An opportunist grabs an opportunity aggressively. He is ready to snatch it from other potential competitors. In its negative sense, the person uses all possible means, including unethical ways, to get what he wanted. They become unpopular and their greediness will not have any end.

But in its positive sense, an opportunist is a person who is an opportunity user or 'utilizer'. This is a better term than opportunity seeker. He is always alert to discover the ways and means that can take him closer to his goals. For this purpose, he does not bypass someone deliberately. He does not thwart someone’s effort to reach the same goal as his. He explores the ways that can facilitate a quicker movement towards fulfilling his goals. He looks around and finds that life has given diverse opportunities in a platter for him to excel.

Our creator is just and there are enough ways open before every human being irrespective his ascribed status or current circumstances provided there is a will to pursue that.  The strides in the pursuit of utilizing the opportunities are small, simple and easily replicable. In this article let me focus on one of the many stepping stones. That is the utilization of our time.

When we travel in a nonstop vehicle called time, we encounter several opportunities on our way. It is our decision to take the vehicle through the best or worst opportunities that determines our comfortable early arrival at the chosen destination. The vehicle runs automatically in a constant pace for everyone in the world whether he is a Prime Minister, fastest sprinter, or a farmer in a remote village. But it is we who drive the vehicle of time decide on its course.

I practice successfully for many years a process called ‘time audit’ every night before going to sleep. The audit starts with an exhaustive recall of the moments of that day and what I did in those minutes.  I evaluate how much of the available time I was creative, how much of the time I was re-creative and how much of the time I simply wasted. One could categorize them as creative, re-creative, and destructive.

Examples of creative use of time could be a) helping someone, b) applying creativity in work and producing something new, c) completion of a long pending domestic work, d) setting in order the cluttered stuff in the virtual and real realms, e) writing an article, f) reading a book, watching a high quality program or a movie that motivates us to be creative, g) doing physical exercise properly, h) going for a refreshing walk with your partner or family etc. Even taking a short afternoon nap (some people call it power nap) after many hours of creative work can also be a creative activity as that would revitalize the body and mind. A creative person spends most part of his time on similar activities as described above.

Examples of re-creative activity includes enjoying entertainment programs created or presented by others, long activity sessions in social networking sites and instant messengers, watching live or recorded matches etc. These are not creative utilization of time unless we derive any skill, knowledge or experience or gain a positive attitude from the above activities or such activities soothe our mind and make us enthusiastic to do creative work. A creative person spends less time on the above.

There are many examples of what we can call ‘destructive’ activity. (The word destructive is used here in comparison to the word creativity.) The first and foremost one is the activity of listening or sharing gossips or negative comments about someone else. Spending considerable time with toxic people- those who are cynical, sarcastic, pessimistic and cunning would be destructive. Lazy, lethargic and laidback attitudes and consequent behavioral patterns would convert us to perennial deadbeats. Such type of people indulge in long sleep (also extended hours of day nap), unnecessary and aimless wandering, repeated indulgence (like watching the same movie or match again and again, continuous parties without a break, attending events or functions that do not require the presence etc.)

One should devise his or her own strategies to spend more time for creative activity, less time on re-creative activity and least time on ‘destructive’ activity. After every creative work, you will find that your batteries are recharged faster and you enjoy more peace and happiness. You will instantly carry a positive vibe and the confidence and satisfaction you gain from a creative activity would result in better behaviour with people around you. On the contrary, after spending too much time on a re-creating or ‘destructive’ activity you will feel guilty and your behavior with others become petty and less impressive.


We should try to utilize the time even when we are on the move. I catch up with my reading and writing work while travelling in a train or flight. If the official travel during the day is to a destination that can be reached in less than six hours, I opt to travel by train rather than flight. I always felt that I am more creative in a moving train as my thoughts take a comfortable pace along with the train. Most of my articles are the products of train journeys and long waits at the airport lounges (this article is an example!). I avoid sleeping during the day time travel. I used to see some people sleeping during the entire travel. What a waste of time! They could pick up a few books, magazines or a reader device like kindle and read rather than wasting time in sleep. Even watching a good movie in the laptop during the train journey or spending time in prayer or meditation would be better utilization of time during a day-time train journey rather than sleeping all along.

Mobile phones are ubiquitous now and people can’t live without it. People spend substantial amount of time on the smartphones. One needs to evaluate how much of that time is used for unproductive purposes. Apart from using the internet in smartphones just for messaging and social networking, one could engage in creative reading, writing and planning even when we wait at salon, restaurant, clinic or transport stations. But that should be done only when we finish with enjoying the nature and surroundings and interacting with people around us. We should not become an inanimate object wired to the smart devices with scant regard to whatever happening around us.

More on other stepping stones later!
                                                               © Sibichen K Mathew

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Thursday, May 29, 2014

My visit to Kashmir

Finally I visited Kashmir. I longed to be in one of the most beautiful locations in the world for many years. It was a long cherished dream fulfilled when I availed the ‘Leave Travel Concession’ and flew to Srinagar for a short holiday with family.

I grew up hearing about the conflicts for Kashmir and the continuous violence. For many years, not a single news bulletin ended without a mention of any violent incident in Jammu & Kashmir. The 1990s witnessed large scale fleeing of a section of Kashmir residents to Jammu, Delhi and various other parts of India. Incidents like the kidnapping of Rubia Syed (daughter of the then union minister), the siege around Hazratbal shrine for more than a month etc. shook the entire country. The intrusion and consequent military action at Kargil created fresh tensions at the boarders. All these contributed in making Kashmir a less favoured tourist destination for many years.

As the Air India flight descended to the Sheikh ul Alam Airport, the beautiful view of Kashmir valley rekindled the spirit to explore. Mr Basheer, the driver was waiting for us outside the terminal. A good driver can make the trip a lot happier and comfortable. I decided to have him for the entire week while I was in Kashmir. We conversed throughout our trips about the life in Kashmir and I came to know about the ‘ground realities’ that are not reported in any printed text. I am thankful to the warm hospitality and assistance of the officials of the para military force. My interaction with them gave me enough insights about the difficulties they faced and the crucial role they played. I was enriched by my brief interactions with persons from other fields viz. Senior Police Officers, businessmen, Kashmiri ‘pundits’, traders, hawkers etc. (More on this later!)

Here are some snapshots:

(He is not a Kashmiri. He is a malayali fakir I met when I stopped for tea at a street side dhaba)

I attended the Sunday Mass in this church at Srinagar

I have following observations based on my very brief visit to Kashmir:

a.       The people of Kashmir are peace loving and they are happy to have a peaceful and secure life after years of conflict and violence. Normal life has returned everywhere and it is like any other part of the country.

b.      The government needs to focus on the young people of Kashmir. Though they are capable, enthusiastic and ambitious, they feel that they do not have enough opportunities to excel. This has resulted in disappointment and anger and might lead to rebellious behavior against the system. Unless concerted efforts are taken to establish educational institutions of high standard and to create appropriate employment opportunities, things might go out of control. In such a scenario, they would become vulnerable to terror outfits.

c.       Tourism potential of Kashmir is grossly underutilized. Areas where people visit such as gardens, lake, snowfall locations etc. have not been developed properly. Museums and parks lacked maintenance. Kashmir can achieve rapid economic growth through tourism. A comprehensive action plan needs to be formulated in this regard.

d.      Many people are not happy with the way local administration is functioning. They are disgruntled about the infrastructure and the widespread corruption in governance.

e.      Kashmiri people feel discriminated when they reach the mainland for education, career or business. They say that they are seen with suspicion. It is necessary to make them feel that they are trusted, loved and respected.

Kashmir is an asset. It has a unique culture beyond the borders of particular religions. The people residing in Kashmir are affable, hospitable and patriotic. Visit Kashmir to have a wonderful experience. 

Views are personal                       © Sibichen K Mathew

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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The beginning of real 'history'? The discipline to the public domain

In 1989 Francis Fukuyama, the renowned American political scientist asked a question: ‘The End of History?’ That was an article written by him as he thought that the humanity’s socio-cultural revolution was going to end with the spread of the institution of liberal democracy across the world. Later, he expanded the thought with sufficient substance and a lot of substantiation in his book ‘The End of History and the Last Man’ in 1992. After the end of the cold war and the fall of Berlin Wall, he said that there was unprecedented homogeneity in the way powers are established and sustained. Though the world order is not homogeneous as thought by him, the title he used for his work is still relevant in a related context. Let me modify his question. As an academic discipline, whether it is the end of ‘history’?

History is indeed a laboratory where one understands about the human existence, evolution and progress. However, very few people like to read books in history. And much less number of people would like to take history as a subject to study. Naturally, there is a decrease in the number of colleges and universities that offer history at degree or post graduate level.

Sebastian Joseph, my friend and a historian of forest and environment, is very alarmed at the growing disinterest of the people in learning about the past. He narrated this to me. He was travelling by the Chennai Mail from Thiruvananthapuram to Kochi. The person who sat next to him was a businessman who asked this wrong question: ‘What is the use of studying history?’ That was when Sebastian told him that he teaches history to students. Sebastian, though felt slightly unpleasant by the question, decided to explain to him the relevance of learning about the past. He also explained how the individuals, organizations and nation-states can learn from the lessons of the past. He also told about him the importance of oral history. The businessman keenly listened to Sebastian and before the end of the journey narrated his own past which Sebastian recorded in his mobile device. What narrated by the businessman was not just about his life and his struggles to reach the top, but also about the socio-economic and political contexts in which he lived and got influenced. He said, ‘I want the new generation to read about my past’. Sebastian transformed him to be a passionate historian by the end of the journey. Yes, history is not just about the kings and kingdoms. It is more about the ordinary people and their extraordinary lives!

The reason for writing this post is my happiness in receiving three non-fiction books as mementos after my talk at three institutions in the last few days. Each one of them gave me a copy that dealt with persons and events of history. After glancing at them I was reassured myself of the contemporary relevance of history and its regained popularity. First book is biographical, second one is eventful and the third provides a descriptive account of history as people thought about. I find these books prominently kept in many leading book stalls and people do buy them. This shows that history as a discipline has come out of the classrooms to the public domain. In universities we are forced to read the ‘prescribed history’. But we get to know about the ‘real history’ when we read books from the ‘open source’ thanks to the efforts of various publishers to showcase the works of scholars with different perspectives.

Here are those books:

(To read reviews and buy CLICK HERE)

                                                             (Read an objective review HERE)

                                                             (You can check the book HERE)

                                                            © Sibichen K Mathew                                              
Views are personal

You may like to read:  

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Snapshots from TCS World 10K Bangalore 2014 : Reaching out to the less privileged

The seventh edition of TCS World 10K Bangalore was held on 18th May 2014. The purpose of the race was to channelize people and resources to the less privileged in the society. I participated in the event representing the NGO Bal Utsav. It is a non-profit education organization dedicated to create educated and empowered global citizens. The organization focuses on educating the non-school going children. Several NGOs, Corporates, Educational Institutions and Individuals participated in the event to promote various social causes.

Have a look at the snapshots from the TCS World 10K 2014 at Bangalore, Southern India. 

The team for Bosco, the NGO working for the young at risk at Bangalore

Sarojini Balasundaram: Ready for the run

Bhavana Rao works for TCS. Participated in the costume round representing the NGO Bal Utsav

Shishir (Casa Blanca) and his friend Avinash

Senior citizens participating for the Association for the mentally challenged

Lenin and Manoj Kumar for ecological awareness

The Think Team

Ashka and Jashel with the message 'Beauty with love and care'

Race and dance to the drum beating

Interesting to see how they cross the muddy water on the road

Ram from Sama Foundation led a team of 25 differently abled persons

Getting ready for the event

Bal Utsav at TCS World 10K

The couple Ramesh and Binu (third and fourth from left), the  leaders of  the Bal Utsav team

Click here to see the snapshots of TCS World 10K 2013

                                                                 © Sibichen K Mathew

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